Laura Bichler Hern - The Independent Author Network

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Laura Bichler Hern - The Independent Author Network 

How do you spell "A-M-A-Z-O-N?"

Whew!!! For a first time author, launching a release on Amazon.com is not a task for the faint of heart!  Transplanted Faith went live on Amazon this week and the sales were beyond my expectations.  Let me say 'THANK YOU' to those who support me.  I could not have done this without you!

Now the hard part begins.....getting people to find the book!  How hard is that?  On a scale of 1-10 I's say about 99.  Why? Let's just say when I looked at Transplanted Faith's Amazon page for the first time, my palms were sweaty, my heart was beating out of my chest, and my eyes had crossed from the hundreds of times I proofed the copy!  I saw the book, the ebook, and the links!  Whoopie! I was doing the 'happy dance' all around my little 10 X 10 room where I write.  Happy, happy, happy!!!

Then I noticed my ranking (given to me by the Amazon gods of mathematics) was 1,321,589.  I strained to get my face closer to the computer screen in disbelief, tripped over the plastic floor mat my chair sits on, flung my arms out to brace my fall and knocked off every paper, pencil, computer screen, mouse, tissues, and Oreo cookie crumbs that were on the desk onto the floor!  It was the 'THUD' that was heard around the world.  Not only did I now have to spring-clean my 'office', my arms were bruised almost as much as my pride was and I had destroyed my stash of Oreos! 1,321,589?  Holy Moly.....talk about having no place to go but up!

I know that they are at least a bazillion books on Amazon and being in the 1 millions is better than 1trillion, but it was a reality check for sure.  So, I got up and bandaged my left elbow, rebooted my computer and mouse and made a vow that I would try to get raise my 'rank' into at least the 100,000s.  I am determined to work day and night, telling every soul who will listen about my ranking plight.  Work, work, work.  When do I plan to start? As soon as I get back from Wal-Mart with a new case of Oreos!
Blessings, Laura 

https://www.amazon.com/author/laurabhern

www.authorsden.com/laurahern

http://laurahern.weebly.com

Twitter: Laura Hern

https://www.facebook.com/laurabichlerhern

What's swirling inside my brain......

What's swirling inside my brain this early April afternoon? Colors...neon colors to be precise. Greens, royal blues, yellows, and lots of purple. Where can one go to find answers as to why the centrifuge of colors is filling my little brain? The net of course!! Using my handy-dandy Google search bar, I have discovered thousands of possibilities, all within 1 second of hitting the 'enter' tab. First on the list...I'm psychic (or psychotic as that was the second choice). I'm afraid I don't solve mysteries or find hidden bodies for NCIS and as far as psychotic--the only hallucinations I'm having are looking out the front room window and trying to turn snow in to green grass. But most people in Minnesota do that around this time of the year anyway.

Third on the list the all-knowing-search-guru found.....my chakras are out of balance. If that is the case, I am going to get a refund down at the Quicky Lube because I had my tires rotated yesterday and they should have balanced those chakras thingies too!

Fourth....I may be full of windorphins. Now I have been known to talk quite a bit and be a little 'windy' sometimes, but I have never been accused of dorphing! I could not stop my fingers from probing this idea and so I quickly typed 'windorphins, definition'. Seems windorphins are fake chemical reactions that produce endorphins when you win too many online auctions. Hey! Who is monitoring my ebay history anyway??? Guess it's time to change my buyer I.D. That should take care of that.

The Internet gave me pages and pages and pages of possible reasons why my mind has these neon colors swirling around in my brain. My favorite one? A researcher had done a study to determine if eating crayola crayons would color a child's perception (and their teeth no doubt). This was a national project where he studied over 500 children who regularly ate crayons. It seems red, black, and blue were the favorites. Hmmm...maybe I'm in the wrong business.

My solution choice? Guess I'd better stop following the 'playdough' diet! :-)

Authors Den

Check out this terrific sight where readers can find authors and a plethora of fantastic books! Click on the link 'Become a Fan' on the left hand side. Then click 'books' to read an excerpt from 'Transplanted Faith'. Blessings!

http://www.authorsden.com/laurahern

March Madness? Nope. Golf-widow season begins again!

In Minnesota, the arrival of March creates a collage of emotions that can make men and women alike shudder and say "Whuffta". The ice fishermen shed a tear as they attach their frozen-hut hideaways to their Ford trucks and drive off the thawing lake, leaving behind their joyful memories of the big one that got-away and hundreds of 8 inch little round holes that will quickly disappear.
The avid sports buffs are drooling over the college Sweet Sixteen and the Twins spring training prospects, already making predictions about a World Series win and lamenting over the Timber puppies dismal record.

Ah.....March brings a glimmer of hope that snowy, cold evenings spent playing cards with buddies and drinking beer will soon to be a thing of the past. Can you hear it? You have to listen so carefully, but you can hear it. Men gather up cleaning supplies, trudging through melting snow and ice to their sheds in the back yard. They stop and take a deep breath before turning the old lock, 36 left, 11 right, 3 left. They slide the door open and walk inside. They drop their supplies as their gaze turns toward an upright shadow in the left corner of the shed. Their eyes grow wider and their mouths curl into a satisfying grin. They rub their hands together in sheer delight! "My golf clubs!" They exclaim. "Come to daddy!"

Just this morning my husband got on a plane heading for sunny Arizona with 7 of his friends to play 36 holes of golf everyday for the next 10 days. Hmmm....at home he is asleep by 7pm, exhausted and unable to take his wife to a movie. Perhaps the Arizona air gives one more stamina, more energy, more testosterone?
And what causes women in Minnesota to say "Whuffta" to being a golf-widow? I think can of a few things......time by myself, shopping, reading, relaxing in the hot tub, watching a cheezy romantic movie like the Matchmaker from 1989 and of course... not having to share my Oreos!